The Emotional Intelligence Playbook for Surviving Toxic Leadership

Are you dealing with toxic culture, micromanagers, feeling shut out or overwhelmed?

Let’s talk about how to take your control and success back with emotional intelligence.

When I get emails or messages from people who are struggling with a work or personal issue, I do my best to help support them while also thinking “Who else could be struggling with this who needs to hear this advice?”

This one hit home because I’ve also worked through this particular issue:

"I’m struggling with work. Leaders are micromanaging so badly it’s impossible to get anything done. My confidence is shot, and I’m no longer in the inner circle. These people are just… awful."

Does this unfortunately sound familiar? Have you been in a situation with a “leader” who constantly is poking and prodding at the confidence of others through micromanagement, poor communication, or their own insecurities?

While you can’t control them, what you CAN control is your emotionally intelligent reaction to this problem.

When you feel your confidence, focus, and/or control start to slip, here are 4 strategies to take back your own power and assurance:

1.        Clearly Name What You Can and Can’t Control

While you will never be able to truly control someone else’s behavior, you can (and should) control your response to their actions. Your clarity on this is your power in the situation.

Write down what you own in the situation (your actions, standards, and responses) and what isn’t (their mood, behavior, approvals, etc.).

Identify what your favorite version of yourself looks like in those scenarios that bring about stress and depletion and change the reaction.

2.        Set Boundaries with Confidence and Service

Confidence makes sense when setting boundaries, but service?

Yep, it’s my favorite conversational trick.

When we reframe a situation that we need more control as providing value or service to someone else, it seems more like we’re doing them a favor vs. coming off defensive.

Try something like this: “I am at my best for the team when I can truly own a process as it allows me to flow through efficiently and effectively. I’d love to set up a quick update meeting with you on this project every Friday vs. the current daily updates so that I can take some stress off your plate and give you time back.”

This allows you to take the “Help me help you” approach while also politely shifting them out of the way.

Win/win!

3.        Separate Your Value From the “Inner Circle” Mentality

Not being in the “inner circle” does not erase your worth. Influence doesn’t just come from proximity—it comes from consistent excellence and the relationships you build. Focus on allies and mentors who energize you rather than on the politics that drain you while also understanding that you create and dictate your own value.

By removing the power of others to dictate YOUR worth, you are the one who sets it on a daily basis.

4.        Protect Your Confidence

When your environment, surroundings, or interactions feel toxic, you must refuel in other ways or it will suck you dry. Create that space outside of work while also finding some escape tactics while there.

At work: Block focus time on your calendar to have an oasis to look forward to. Take intentional walks when stress arises.

Outside of work: Make time to do something to release stress and find joy. Exercise, journal, meditate, spend time on a hobby that makes you happy, or listen to music (my personal favorite🪩)

Your confidence grows when you invest in yourself every single day, even in little doses.

Toxic leadership will be ever-present in the workforce, but so is your ability to dictate your energy and responses.

Where can you implement one of these strategies today?